39,000 Square Feet of Duh

Last night T and I scooted down to the city for a dinner with some friends who were in town for the weekend.

Traffic was light, so we were ahead of schedule and too early for our reservation. T suggested we fill the extra time with a quick stop in REI to check out a kayak we were eyeing online - because after one afternoon in a rented canoe, we are now all about the paddle sports - isn't that how everyone operates?

One of REI's flagship stores is in a gorgeous SoHo building. I'd stumbled across it a couple of years earlier, so I knew it was a big and fun space, and I just love REI. So this sounded like a good plan, even though I was in heels. And pearls. I'm just that multi-faceted, I thought.
If you can try out a kayak in a pencil skirt and platforms heels, and not face plant, you are badass. This is not foreshadowing.

After a brief parking drama, which cut into our time cushion, we scurried down Lafayette Street and into the store. Quick scan for signage and it looks like boats should be over with the camping equipment. We looked up, down, and across but saw none. Not wanting to waste anymore time, I interrupted an associate with another customer - look, if I'm REI 10 minutes before closing, and dressed for cocktails, I'm clearly in much more of a hurry than the slack-jaw in the Life is Good shirt, so I absolutely reserve the right to cut him off.

"Oh, I don't have any kayaks or canoes here," she apologized. I didn't believe her. "Really?? This place is enormous, we figured you did..." I said.

"I know," she nodded in agreement, "I really should, but I just don't have the retail space." With all this "I" talk, I wondered for a second if this was Ms. REI herself.

"You don't have the space?!" I asked, as I slowly turned my gaze up to the expanse of ceiling, ornamented with suspended bicycles and tents of all shapes and sizes.

Online they entice you to the SoHo store with 39,000 square feet and three levels, offering "top brand outdoor gear and clothing for camping, climbing, cycling, fitness, hiking, PADDLING, skiing, snowboarding and more." Paddling. Did you see that?

Thirty-nine thousand square feet. You can shove a kayak in there. Maybe even 20 kayaks. If we bought a kayak, we'd be storing it in a one car garage, with room to spare for 3 bicycles and a chest freezer. I'm just saying, REI...take some measurements, jeez. Please don't make me go to Paramus. Please.