The Key to Saturday: the Sequel

During the Summer of 2008, I locked myself and my then 2-year old out of the house for the afternoon....aaaand I did it again today.

Different house and different circumstances, but still - a lovely Saturday in August then, and six years later, a lovely Saturday in August, almost to the day. Just add my mom.

She drove up for an afternoon visit. T-Spot didn't have to leave for work until 2, so the three of us were able to go out to lunch together. Because he grabbed his house keys, I must have made some semi-aware decision to ignore mine. After we ate, we dropped T back at home so he could get his stuff and take off for work, and we drove around running some errands...of course you see where this is going: I'm blissfully unaware, running errands like a boss, that I don't have my house keys.

By the time we get back, T is gone and the door is locked. Having learned my lesson about the hidden spare in 2008, I wasn't concerned.

The spare, however, was not in its spot.

I'm skipping over the part where I call my husband and freak the fuck out at him. Use your imagination.

Of course, it's not completely his fault the spare had been moved. We gave it to our neighbor to check on the dog last week, and when she returned it, one of us (ahem) didn't put it back. But whatever: I'm the one locked out and someone has got to hear my wrath.

My mom is laughing. She suggests we simply drive to him, about a 20 mile drive, and get his key.
"I guess that's better than smashing a window." I said.

S over heard this. He went to the garage and got a hammer.

"I can smash a window!"

"We are not smashing a window! Get in the car!"

The dog, who this entire time has been inside, barking herself to the brink of death, is starting to claw the door, desperate to join us outside.
S is walking around swinging the hammer in the air jabbering about smashing things.
My mom is still giggling. I am not sure how she's finding this all so cute. Must be some sort of menopausal grandma zen.

Just as we are getting into the car, T calls back to tell me his coworker heading back our way can deliver his key to us, and he'd get there in about half an hour.

This sounds better than a 40-mile roundtrip, so I'm down.

We retired to the rocking chairs on the porch to wait. S announced he's going to smash rocks with his hammer.

The breeze was soft, and everything was calm (well, except the rock smashing). I miss my mom a lot sometimes. I complained about the grass clippings on the sidewalk and she got up and swept them. I told her when she missed spots.

"Are you enjoying this?" she was still laughing.

"Yep. Can you start at the top and work your way down the steps now? That would be more efficient"

"Nope."

"Ok."

Like the first one six years ago, this lockout turned out to be a gift.

Angels and Demons and Sailors

I like makeup. You could call it one of my serious concerns. I wrote a passionate entry on eyeliner a few years ago -  over five years ago, actually (!). I'm happy to report that I can spend more money on make up now than I could then...but that doesn't mean that I do.

That much.

I am still a practical-minded kinda lady from day to day - but when I decide I finally like something, I try to get the best version possible and do it right. With the exception of mascara, the higher end make up products perform better and last longer, so the few extra beans are worth it to me.

My latest quest is Hello Sailor by Lipstick Queen. I read about it somewhere on the 'nets...Pinterest maybe? I can't remember. Anyway, I filed it away and recently remembered that I wanted to try it. The gimmick unique property about Hello Sailor is that the product is blue, but it doesn't go on that way. Instead, it's supposed to give you a customized berry finish that suits your individual complexion (uh...hence customized - I was just being clear). I like berry finishes. Lipsticks with bluish undertones also make your teeth appear whiter. Let's do this, right?

It continues to be a quest, as I can't get my hands on it very easily - because per usual, I'm just very on trend. That's gotta be it, right?
I also have to test it before buying...if you've ever spent more than a few bucks on a lipstick, only to be disappointed, you know how important this is. And did I mention I live pretty deep in the Catskills? Like eleventy billion miles from everything? This means that I have to seize the opportunities when they present.

I was in Albany recently - Sephora does not carry it. Well poop. I should have checked ahead. I didn't have time to make further stops that day. A few days ago, I was in Binghamton. I'd researched ahead this time and saw that Ulta carries it - well hooray! I walked in and asked the associate right at the door about it (no need to wander the sparkling aisles of tiny, colorful bottles and pots and potions and wonder if glitter is work appropriate now that it's 2014).

She gave me the blankest, most confused and at the same time defeated look and repeated my question, "Hello...hello...Suh...Sailor?"

Did I fucking stutter?

"Yes. Hello Sailor, by Lipstick Queen? Do you have it?"

"Um. No."

OMG I am so sad now. I'm crushed. I almost whined, "But it says you have it online!?" You are useless to me.

"Um. Well. Some of our top stores carry things before we do...maybe it's a newer item?"

Remember I said how on trend I am? Evidence, folks. Right there.^

Someone overheard our chat. "Oh, Hello Sailor, yes... I know it..." said a voice from behind the counter. I turned around and it was Alicia Keyes. It wasn't Alicia Keyes. But she really looked like her and I wanted to be her BFF right there, or maybe make out with her. This is the level of pretty we are talking. She wore golden glitter on her perfect eyelids and perfect lashes. Possibly she was an angel. Oh, come through for me Angel Alicia...

But Angel Alicia had nothing but sad news for me. They just don't have it right now. Nodding and holding my arm, she walked me over to a gloss with a sheer blue sparkly tint, hoping it could appease me, but when our eyes met, she knew the deal. She looked inside my cosmetic soul, and understood that nothing but Hello Sailor would do.

She told me I could order it from their online store, but appreciated that I wanted to test it first. And, while I didn't bore Angel Alicia with this concern, I don't like ordering make up in the summer months because I worry about it melting in a hot delivery truck.

As I walked out, I remembered that Sally Beauty Supply (I hate that place) was just a little bit further down the street...another shot! I practically ran in and jumped on the counter.

"No. I never heard of it."

Ugh! She was mean, too.  Like if she hadn't heard of it, it must not exist. She was most definitely not an angel. She was a demon. A demon in teal shadow and matching push up bra busting out of her T-shirt. I needed Alicia back.

My last try that evening was at Boscov's. I figured they wouldn't have it, and I was right.

Here we are now, a week into my quest. I can order it online and take a chance without testing, but it really bugs me to do that. What do you think? I'm calling on all my makeup fans out there. Have you tried it or tested it? Where? I really want to say Hello to this Sailor! Help me get him!

39,000 Square Feet of Duh

Last night T and I scooted down to the city for a dinner with some friends who were in town for the weekend.

Traffic was light, so we were ahead of schedule and too early for our reservation. T suggested we fill the extra time with a quick stop in REI to check out a kayak we were eyeing online - because after one afternoon in a rented canoe, we are now all about the paddle sports - isn't that how everyone operates?

One of REI's flagship stores is in a gorgeous SoHo building. I'd stumbled across it a couple of years earlier, so I knew it was a big and fun space, and I just love REI. So this sounded like a good plan, even though I was in heels. And pearls. I'm just that multi-faceted, I thought.
If you can try out a kayak in a pencil skirt and platforms heels, and not face plant, you are badass. This is not foreshadowing.

After a brief parking drama, which cut into our time cushion, we scurried down Lafayette Street and into the store. Quick scan for signage and it looks like boats should be over with the camping equipment. We looked up, down, and across but saw none. Not wanting to waste anymore time, I interrupted an associate with another customer - look, if I'm REI 10 minutes before closing, and dressed for cocktails, I'm clearly in much more of a hurry than the slack-jaw in the Life is Good shirt, so I absolutely reserve the right to cut him off.

"Oh, I don't have any kayaks or canoes here," she apologized. I didn't believe her. "Really?? This place is enormous, we figured you did..." I said.

"I know," she nodded in agreement, "I really should, but I just don't have the retail space." With all this "I" talk, I wondered for a second if this was Ms. REI herself.

"You don't have the space?!" I asked, as I slowly turned my gaze up to the expanse of ceiling, ornamented with suspended bicycles and tents of all shapes and sizes.

Online they entice you to the SoHo store with 39,000 square feet and three levels, offering "top brand outdoor gear and clothing for camping, climbing, cycling, fitness, hiking, PADDLING, skiing, snowboarding and more." Paddling. Did you see that?

Thirty-nine thousand square feet. You can shove a kayak in there. Maybe even 20 kayaks. If we bought a kayak, we'd be storing it in a one car garage, with room to spare for 3 bicycles and a chest freezer. I'm just saying, REI...take some measurements, jeez. Please don't make me go to Paramus. Please.