This post is going to start out just like all the articles out there about stuff - you know the ones: 8 things you never knew about socks, and 5 things to stop eating right now, 6 secrets of annoying over-achievers, and 10 things your doctor won't tell you about your butt. It seems like numbered lists are the new web writing trend out there, and they are soooo tiresome. Of course anything that I find tiresome and yet still popular is good material to mock. As I had started to explain, my first paragraph serves as the backstory part, just like the articles start with - a couple paragraphs introducing the list...but if you're like me, you totally skimmed it to get to the numbers, because it's what brought you here...numbers full of promise. Aren't they? Here we go:
1. Empty Promises. The numbered lists promise concise and useful facts about something, but you probably knew at least half the info.
2. You won't retain any of it. Seriously, when that day comes you really need to know what your doctor isn't telling you about your butt, you won't look that article up again.
3. They're garbage and lazy. This is sort of related to number 1, as they're usually made up of recycled versions of other articles - just summarized and numbered because you are a busy person and you just need to know what's important about socks, pronto por favor.
4. If CliffsNotes had CliffsNotes, these articles would be the CliffsNotes to those CliffsNotes.
5. They are heinous, repeat time suckers. Just ask your doctor straight up what he or she is not telling you about your butt, and simply stop and ask the next over-achieving kid you see wtf their problem is.
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